100words | "Wish" drabble collection

Title: Don't Open 'til Doomsday
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, all seasons
Rating: PG13
Notes: You think shopping for holiday gifts is hard? Imagine being a minion having to find the perfect gift for your Big Bad. Here's five more or less successful attempts at figuring out what the boss wished for. Mostly less.

Buffy season 1

"What is the meaning of this?"

The minion kneeling before The Master held up the gift-wrapped package with trembling hands. "Well, uh… excellency, it is Christmas, and this being our first year in your service, well… We pitched in and got you this."

"Did you, now." The Master opened the package to reveal a knitted sweater. He looked at his minions, then turned to Darla with a sigh. "And you were in on this?"

"No, Master. I got you this." She tossed him a stake.

"I'm touched. Exactly what I wished for." He turned to the minion.

"Woah, no regifting - "

* * *

Buffy season 2

Drusilla had insisted that Christmas would cheer Spike up, and most of the minions did fairly well in the gift department. Then...

Spike stared at the book. "What…?"

Dalton gulped, adjusting his glasses. "First edition of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Last Poems. I - "

"Poems? Poncy bloody poems?" Spike growled as the other minions edged away from Dalton. "Right. Party's over. Everybody fuck off."

"I-I'm sorry, sir," Dalton said. "I can exchange it?"

Spike gripped the book tight. "Uh… No, don't bother. I'll throw it out myself. Thanks." He quickly rolled towards his room and slammed the door.

* * *

Buffy season 5

"So? How fabulous am I?" Glory posed in the new dress that hugged her every curve like a second skin.

"Words don't do you justice, your supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness", Jinx exclaimed. "My shame at having thought myself worthy of choosing something for you to wear is overwhelmed only by your unfathomable beauty."

She checked the mirror, smiling. "I guess you weren't as worthless as usu- No. No you DON'-"

There was a ripping sound as the dress readjusted to Ben's much larger frame. "Damnit," he muttered. "I must have put on weight after the hospital Christmas dinner. My life is so unfair."

* * *

Angel season 3

"...So anyway, um, Merry Christmas." Justine had wanted more of a lead-in, rather than dropping it at the end of another discussion on making Angel suffer, but Holtz didn't do chit-chat.

He weighed the gift-wrapped package in his hands. "What is this?"

"Well, I don't know how they did things in your day, but Christmas presents - "

"I'm familiar with the custom." Holtz handed back the silk shirt that Justine had spent way too much money on. "But 'in my day', Christmas gifts were for family only."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

Lucky she kept the receipt, the liquor store was still open.

* * *

Buffy season 7

OK, agreed, it was a pretty shitty gift, they all thought in unison. But what do you buy for something like The First Evil? It had no interests beyond being evil. Plus, without eyes, the Bringers were pretty limited in what they could shop for. So when they found a shop in Sunnydale that sold bath salts and soaps in Evil fragrances (sulphur, burnt flesh, patchouli, etc) they'd figured, hey.

But to take it as an excuse to replace them with übervamps was a bit … well, evil, obviously, but still. They should unionize, the Bringers thought in unison.